Blink

It used to be that it would take days for an afternoon to pass. When I was a little kid it felt like summer was years long, and a single afternoon would last all day and into the next. I’ve heard people say that the passage of time feels faster as you get older. Ain’t it the truth.

I looked at my 35 year old face in the mirror this morning. The mirror was attached to a wall in a house owned by me and my husband. My mind began to race, “When the hell did I get old enough to have a house? A husband? I’m 35? What??” I certainly do not feel 35. What is 35 supposed to feel like, anyway? I dabbed on a little more moisturizer around my eyes and hoped for the best. I tweezed a grey hair and sighed.

I once saw a bumper sticker that said “Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening at once.” But why does it have to go by so quickly? And why does it feel like it hasn’t gone by at all?

I drove to work this morning thinking about summer afternoons that wouldn’t end. I was already looking forward to the afternoon, when I’d get to leave work for the entire weekend. Maybe I’ll get never ending afternoons once I am freed at 5 o’clock.

Time’s a funny thing. You don’t really notice it go by as it’s happening. I mean, you can watch the hands on the clock rotate, but everything else pretty much looks the same. Then you realize that a lot has changed, but in the day-to-day routine you never notice it.

It’s been 13 years since I graduated from college. I know this because my nephew Krystian was born that same year and he just turned 13 last month. I received my diploma and held his newborn body within, seemingly, minutes of each other. Now his voice is starting to get deeper, he’s writing his own music, and it’s taken him 13 years to get to this point. It’s been 6 years since I’ve been married. It’s taken that long for my niece Cassidy to get born and grow to 5 years and 11 months. She went from in utero, to infancy, toddlerhood to a first grader in that time. My mother’s been gone for nearly 8 years now, enough time for my niece Hali to grow into the precocious 8 year old she is. She only knew my mother for 10 months of her life, and now she's this tall girl with incredibly profound thoughts.

All this happened right in front of me. How did I not notice it as it was happening?