Monday, December 13, 2010

In Line at Macy’s

I stood in line with a Christmas gift in my hands at the only register open inside the entire Macy’s. I shifted my weight and tugged at my jacket. It was too warm to wear it, yet I didn’t want to take it off and have to hold it. To pass the time I struck up a conversation with all the other people waiting in line. We talked about the weather, it was in the 40-50’s outside, which is a bit warm for winter in Rhode Island.

“It’s hard to feel like Christmas shopping when there isn’t any snow on the ground,” I commented.

The other people all expressed agreement, and we all commented on the unseasonable warmth.

“When I lived in Australia, Christmas actually falls in the summer, you know, because the seasons are reversed? It’s impossible to feel Christmassy when all you want to do is go to the beach,” I laughed.

“Yeah, but just think,” the woman in line in front of me replied, “It’s probably freezing when they’re celebrating the 4th of July.”

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Thursday, December 09, 2010

You’re Very Welcome

I am a firm believer in the the idea that if you ignore an annoying person they will go away. My Internet friends I would like you to embark on a mass ignoring campaign with me. Trust me, it’ll work.

A few years back we heard about some crazy chick in California who gave birth to a litter of children, despite the fact that she’d had half a litter at home already. The story unfolded before our eyes, and said crazy chick seemed to want reality show notoriety as a result of giving birth to a small village of babies.

My friends and I railed against her in disgust. Yet we were all fascinated. We clicked on the links leading to news stories about this woman. We tuned in when she was talked about on the news. Yet we were horrified at her quest for fame through her babies. That was when I said to my friends, “OK, time for a mass ignore campaign. We need to stop clicking on her links. We need to stop tuning in. We need to stop listening. We need to stop giving her air time.” I stopped clicking on links to stories about her. And I think my friends did too. Before we knew it, her spotlight faded. They thanked me. I bowed humbly and said they were just as responsible as I was.

Now I am proposing another mass-ignore campaign. This time I want everyone to ignore another woman I am equally horrified over. She served as a Governor in a state just west of the Canadian border. She has publicly marveled over being able see Russia from where she stood. I will not say her name here, but she left office and stranded her state from the office they entrusted to her in an election. She up and left. Quit.

Now this woman is discussing the possibility of running for the presidency. She has a reality show. Her teenaged daughter shared the spotlight when she had a baby out of wedlock (How’s that prayer-y abstinence-y thing workin’ out for ya? You bet’cha your daughter will get knocked up if you don’t teach her about birth control.) Since leaving office she’s holding her hands out for every money making opportunity in front of a camera she can push her way into. Will she up and leave the presidency when the going gets tough. I think so, after all check her track record.

I maintain that if we ignore her she will go away. If we stop listening, she’ll stop talking. If we stop clicking to read about what idiotic thing she’s done now, the news outlets will stop reporting on her.

Someday this former governor pseudo political figure will bump into the woman with the litter of babies in line at Starbucks and they will both say “Wow, you look familiar. Do I know you? I swear I know your name…”

And then you can all thank me.


Friday, December 03, 2010

Introducing the Lunch Hour Novelist

As I’ve mentioned here a bunch of times, I have been writing a novel for the last 3 years and I am to the point where I am seeking a literary agent to represent me. But I’ve never been entirely comfortable with writing about the book here. I don’t want to turn into one of those shamelessly self-promoting bloggers whose blogs turn into Times Square and Las Vegas all rolled into one with all the ads for their book.

I use A Life of Adventure to talk about life on the boat, or life on land. While the book has been such a large part of my life on land, I don’t want to bore my tens of readers with all that. But if I want to sell my book I need to market myself more aggressively. So, what’s a girl to do? I could go all Las Vegas with A Life of Adventure, or I could develop an alter ego.

If you are interested in my path to publication, please check out my alter ego’s blog, The Lunch Hour Novelist. The idea was born as a result of the many many lunch hours I have spent writing and editing the book. I want to take the readers of that blog along with me as I try to land a book deal for “Out From Under Big Sky.”

Yes, I will still write here. But I will write about my non-book related life. You’ll still get to read about my sailing trips. You will still get to read about some of the dumb things I do on a regular basis. You will still get to read about whatever things my dogs have ingested off the counters in my home. But you can also go along on my path to publication. So, in a way, you’ll get more of me.

Go check out the new blog. If you’re so inclined, link to me. I am not going to lie, I could use the exposure.

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