Take Two of These and Call Me In the Morning

A few weeks ago we bought a new treadmill. At first it ran backward until Todd Macguyvered it and now I don’t have to jog backward. Even though I run forward on the treadmill, the lights dim as I run. They dim when each foot falls on the tread, which results in a rhythmic light show timed with whatever song is on my iPod.

I called National Grid, the local electric company, to have them send someone out to take a look at our connection. We just had an electrician out to the house to upgrade us to 200 amp service, so the disco effect shouldn’t be happening. Last night at 8:30 the National Grid truck rolled up the driveway. In the kitchen I bent down to put a hand on Nemo, so that he wouldn’t tackle the repair man. I stood up quickly, and smacked my head on the open cabinet door.

The hollow coconut sound of the door's corner impacting skull reverberated through my ears and vibrated in every bone in my body. I doubled over and clutched my head in pain until I fell over and howled. Todd raced over and asked me if I was OK. I couldn’t breathe, tears stung my eyes, my ears rang and spots clouded my vision. I caught my breath and told him I was OK.

Once back on the couch, the National Grid guy cut the power to the house as he repaired a connection to the house. I balanced an ice pack on my head and grimaced in pain. In the dark.

This morning I woke up, head still throbbing in pain. The lights didn’t dim as I ran on the treadmill, but the pain pulsed right on the top of my head with every step. Later on in the morning the blow dryer scorched the spot, and I winced just a little harder.  At work, the pain settled behind my eyes. I downed a small arsenal of Ibuprofen. Nothing changed. So I emailed Todd.

“My head hurts. A lot. It hurts behind my eyes.”

“I’m sorry honey. Want to go to the doc after work tonight,” he wrote back.

“No. I think it just has to hurt for a little while. I’ll just ice it again tonight.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. But I think ice cream will help. Like, if I eat it really fast and get a brain freeze? You know, treatment from within…”

“Good idea.  If I were to pick up some frozen therapy, which flavor do you think will have the best penetrative healing ability?” he replied.

“Well, Karamel Sutra has that caramel ooze in it, which will make the medicinal properties of the ice cream act quicker. It’s clinically proven.”

“That’s convenient. I hear there are free samples of Karamel Sutra available. They have a guarantee, if the pain isn’t gone in 3 days you’ll get a tub for free.”

“Now that’s a guarantee I can get behind,” I replied.

“OK, I’ll swing by the pharmacy on the way home tonight.”

A half tub of Karamel Sutra, and wouldn’t you know it? The pain behind my eyes is gone.