Only in My Dreams

I heard the shower running as I knocked on the bathroom door this morning. It was 7:35, and I needed to take my vitamins, brush my teeth and hit the road to get to work for 8:00.

“Come in,” he hollered from under the stream.

“Good morning, honey,” I called out to him as I reached into the closet to grab my vitamins.

“Oh, so you’re not yelling at me anymore?” he asked.

“This is the first I’ve spoken to you this morning, when did I yell at you?” I silently wondered if I was too abrupt in my “Honey, you need to get up, it’s after 7 now! Come on, let’s move!”

“You yelled at me last night.”

“When did I yell at you last night?”

“In the middle of the night you told me that you didn’t want that clown in your house. Or something like that. There was definitely a clown, and he definitely offended you.”

“I hate clowns,” I said in what I hoped was my defense.

“Yeah, I know. Apparently you hated this particular one. A lot,” he smiled at me as I opened the shower door to lean in and kiss him good-bye.

“Sorry I yelled at you. But really, you should know better than to bring clowns into the house.”

Bawling out my husband is something I do quite a bit in my sleep. Of course, I have no recollection of it in the morning. He gets a big ol’ “Fuck off!” when he has the nerve to do something offensive like roll over. Then there was the night where we were late. I rolled over, grabbed him and said “We’re late and we have to get the tickets. Come on! Let’s go!” I don’t know where we were going. But we had to go right then. And the tickets! Oh, we still needed to get tickets to where ever it was we were going. He managed to talk me out of going to where ever it was we were going, and I fell right back to the kind of deep sleep that makes me forget whatever I had dreamt about.

Then there was the time when a pair of shoes royally pissed off my sleeping self. I sat up, turned to Todd, who still had his reading light on, and said to him with my most deadpan expression. “I really don’t know why these shoes are news.” What? Shoes? In the news? Of course, I fell right back asleep as if what I’d said was completely relevant and entirely called for. I wonder what that dream was about, I wish I could remember.