Monday, June 30, 2008

No, No and Hell No

Todd and I have been DVRing this show called “Ice Road Truckers,” have you guys seen this show? I think it’s on the History Channel, or the Discovery Channel maybe? Anyway, it’s about these 18-wheeler truckers who drive these trucks over roads that are made of ice. See, in the northern Canada winters the rivers, lakes and the Arctic Ocean all freeze solid enough so that they could drive these heavy trucks with these massively heavy loads on them in order to bring supplies to the mines and drilling rigs located way north in Canada.

Of course, the camera crew takes pictures form under the ice of the trucks riding over the roads that are constructed of solid ice. And of course the ice will give slightly under the weight of the truck and crack. And of course the sound crew will dub in the sound of ice cracking every so often, you know, just to antagonize me.

Let me tell you, this show stresses me out. Normally I do not get stressed out about watching something on TV. When this show is on, I bite my fingernails down to nubs—which is just about impossible, because I have lousy looking fingernails that are already bitten down to nothing as it is. I am just waiting for one of the trucks to be riding along on the ice and then KER-SPLASH! through the ice it goes, and it’s to the point where I watch the show between the fingers that cover my eyes. That is, when the tips of my fingers aren’t in my mouth getting gnawed off. The narrator of the show always has to say something to the effect of “The water under the ice is 9,000 feet deep, and the temperature of the water is 0 degrees Kelvin, which means that the driver of this big rig will suffer hypothermia and die in roughly 0.00000001 seconds once he falls through the ice. And his body will never be recovered.” Oh, great. Crap, now my fingernails are bleeding.

And what’s more? These Canadian truckers are the most relentlessly cheerful people I’ve ever seen on TV. They say things like “It’s 900 below zero out here, a bit chilly, eh?” with huge smiles on their faces and they’re walking around in just a fleece vest over a T-shirt as they are chipping ice off of the tires on the truck. “I hafta drive to the Arctic Circle today to carry a load that weighs 5 billion pounds, eh? I hope the ice will hold me, eh?” Are you kidding me?

Yet, somehow I still tune in and watch. It’s like watching a train wreck, only more stressful.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Taoist Biker said...

I don't watch "Ice Road Truckers" but my wife got me hopelessly addicted to "Deadliest Catch."

Those guys are not always so cheery, though. More like "It's 13 degrees, the wind is blowing at 70 knots and we're shipping 40-foot seas, the spray is freezing on the deck so we have to spend four hours breaking it off with sledgehammers before we can fish, we've been working 36 hours straight, and we're not catching any crab. Yeah, it's a fine day on the Bering Sea."

I might have been crazy enough to try something like that 15 years ago. Now? HELL no. DAMN that.

July 1, 2008 at 11:14 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

I'm with TB's wife. I'm a Deadliest Catch kinda gal, too. I'm not much into Ice Road Truckers though, maybe because driving on ice is old news? BTDT. Not with a 4 billion pound load, but still. I've heard the ice crack as I've driven over it. Thanks, but no.

July 2, 2008 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

Tito was just watching that show the other day & I was all YIKES! covering my eyes too. lol But what's so funny about it all is reading your post I thuoght, rationally, Do you really think they're going to show a disasterous episode? We ALL know the driver makes it. lol

I love Deadliest Catch also.

July 2, 2008 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger Beej said...

OMG, I love Deadliest Catch. Though I have to say that Sig has been a bit bitchy this season. Todd and I suspect that the producers want the captains to amp up the drama a bit, b/c he was so crabby at the start of this season.

Crabby! Ha!

July 3, 2008 at 8:21 AM  

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