Friday, August 31, 2007

“Fellas, We’re Out of Beer. But I Have an Idea…”

I am a bit of a news junkie. I watch CNN every morning while I am getting ready for work. I read a few news web sites at work when I am taking a break from working. I love offbeat news sites, I love reading about people who do very strange things—when you know that they were dead serious in their intentions.

For example:

Naked Man Does Hula, Steals Beer at Store

DE SOTO, Mo. (AP) -- The naked truth: Three eastern Missouri men were willing to go to extreme lengths to get some beer.

That's the accusation after an incident in the early hours of August 18th at Fish's Quick Stop in De Soto. Store clerk Vicky Gaines says a masked man walked in and began doing the hula dance.

Police say the plan was for the naked dancer to create a distraction while another man took a case of beer from the store. It didn't work.

Gaines called police. As the naked man and his accomplice joined a third man in a car, a customer got their license plate number. All three were caught a few days later.

The men, ages 19 to 23, face charges of shoplifting and indecent exposure.

Does it get any better than this? I love it when naked people commit crimes. How did they even arrive at this diabolical plot? Can you imagine the meeting of the minds in preparation for this crime? These guys would not have done this if they didn’t think it would work, right? I can just picture it:

“OK, this is how it’s going down. Jimbo, you go in there naked and start doing the hula. I’ll grab the beer. Bob, you drive the getaway car. It’s foolproof, if you think about it. Maybe I should get some chips too; the clerk will be so distracted.”

“Let’s not get greedy, Steve. Just grab the beer. Maybe we’ll go for chips next time.”

Did they have a discussion as to who would be the naked hula dancer, and who would be the beer grabber?

“Jimbo, you get naked and dance, you’re thinner than I am.”

“But wouldn’t a fat guy like Steve be more distracting? While Steve is dancing they’ll watch and think ‘Wow, this guy’s got guts to come in here looking like that and dance naked.’”

“You make an excellent point. OK, Steve’ll dance, you grab the beer. I’ll drive. Ready?”

"Let's do it!"

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